john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
