One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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