bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
