Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
