im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I miss vodka workout Fridays
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
