Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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