Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
