I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
