You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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