And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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