I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
