apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
