once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
