I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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