Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
