Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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