for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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