that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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