yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
