then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
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At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
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I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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