And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
