Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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