For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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