I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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