how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
