I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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