we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
