things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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