Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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