Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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