hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
