Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
