Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
