I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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