So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
