the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
