i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
