I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
