Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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