Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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