Just fell off a train. Bad.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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