It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
