if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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