i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
