i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
