Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
