white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
