remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
