someone threw a dead crab at me
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
