if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
This toilet bowl is my home.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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