She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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