Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell