I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.