I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me