did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.