I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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