can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i only shaved half my leg
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?