I am puke
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?