Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.