i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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