I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
