How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize