I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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