Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
