guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
