Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I checked into jail on foursquare
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
