I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
