I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
