I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Naked Twister starts at high noon
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
