Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
