How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
