how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
