I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
