I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
