He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
