I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
