who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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