there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
