Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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